How do you do something upon a time anyway?

Sit down and shut up children, Uncle Travis is going to tell a story.
Once upon a time, there was a young child who grew up in a dangerous neighborhood. He was scared to go outside to play with the other children, as they were large. And had knives. So he made friends at school who ALSO were scared to play outside. So the new friends talked to each other over the internet and played video games. Time passed, and the friends changed very little. Their skin was still pale from lack of sun, their bookshelves filled with comics and game cases. Some of the friends moved away, and so did the young boy. The young boy, who was now almost an adult, still played his games, read his comics, and found new friends who like to do the same things. Except now he did it while a bunch of trees were around, and it got really cold sometimes. And now he's here, writing all this in a p tag in Mr.Patac's class. Still pale as a ghost, that boy. Should really go outside more this summer...